(The following blog entry is full of really gross references so hide the children and say a prayer)
Can you be married to someone and still have children and still not be heterosexual? Perhaps you WERE hetero and are NOT now?
I'm writing about it because I just can't get it out of my head. I hope to share the nightmares with you-- because it is best to not dream alone !
Of course, I'm discussing this with anyone who would listen and I've collected data. Because I'm grossly fascinated, like a car wreck.
So to make a checklist, if you will, of what I've learned.
- Heterosexual men routinely do not like to have items inserted into them during sex.
- Heterosexual men enjoy performing oral sex on women.
- Heterosexual men generally avoid anal sex with women.
- Heterosexual men really enjoy fellatio, and if your husband doesn't fully 'enjoy' -even though you try for years -- it isn't your lack of skills.
- Heterosexual men do not include talk of sex with other men and insertion of said items in 'dirty talk' during sex.
(DUDE! I thought there were some freaky things in this life, but whoa...and what does it say about me that I never thought up a list of things that makes one hetero or not....so naive!)
Please don't comment that you like those things and are still decidedly hetero-- I checked with a few Marines. They say they are the full measure of manly manliness and they approve the checklist. Also, I don't want to know what you like. I just want you to cringe and laugh. Then go about your merry life.
(He even had a HUGE penchant for hetero porn, not GAY porn, hetero porn!)A wise old uncle of mine said, "If it smells like cologne leave it alone, if it smells like fish, eat all you wish."
Of course, I laughed me behind off.....'cause I can't even imagine.
So back to J's' husband. He was a perfectly normal guy to everyone. His appearance is always impeccable. He's smart and funny and generally acted in every external way like any hetero man. Except, he really wasn't into sports--- that can't possibly make you gay, could it? (LMAO)
Then, as J started to tell folks they split up, they all giggle a little and ask if he's gay. And they all wonder out loud what they were doing together in the first place. Looking back, I guess I thought they were oddly matched, but they were fun and interesting, so the rest wasn't my business. (but oh my God the father of your children isn't even your 'type' that is effed up on so many levels! Dude, whatever happens in your bedroom, not my business -- blocking my ears! humming!! OUT LOUD!)
Keep Jessica and her ex and their children in your prayers. I can't imagine how she feels being fooled all these years (or just being blind and stupid). But I think she feels good about the truth being out and all the dots being connected. (Yes, I changed J's initial , but I'm pretty sure you don't know her or her ex, so don't try-- no, she's never worked with me!)
Makes me feel better about my life, that's for sure! ;-)