It's Just Hair

It isn't a big deal. I used to have short, short, pixie short hair.


But when I got pregnant in late 2003, I lost my ability to make hair decisions. Stressed out, mother of 4, unhappy in my marriage, I couldn't make a single freakin' decision. My husband had made so many disparaging comments about what I thought was a cute, easy solution for motherhood, I became paralyzed about it. I think I partly grew it in to save our marriage. If I could be more attractive, maybe he wouldn't be looking elsewhere.


Starting with my decision on February 29, 2004 to raise two fewer children started something inside me. Slowly, I really changed. From the inside. I wanted to be the mom that Tippy and Karateboy deserved and not the stressed out maniac I'd become.


Little things marked the transformation. I started losing weight, singing in the praise band at church...volunteering more. I started to pay attention to how I looked and carried myself. After all, I had an MBA now...I should look the part. I even moved into a new house.


The last year of changes, you all know about. Divorce, triathlon, learning new lessons. The only physical thing I carried with me still was the hair. It never stopped growing, this long, unruly mane of curls. It never, ever looked brushed. It was getting frizzier from all the washing after all the working out. It was shedding everywhere. It was a pain in the ass. And I don't give a flying fuck if STBX thinks I look like a boy. My balls will always be bigger than his.


I decided that I'd donate it to Locks of Love when it was long enough. Friday night, I took a pony tail holder, a ruler, and a plastic bag. I told Cheryl, the woman who taught me to embrace my curls instead of straighten them, to just cut it. And cut it she did. There it goes. The last part of the old me off to make someone else happy. 'Cause it is some thick, wavy, super hair.

For me the jury is still out...it will take some getting used to. But I bet the next time I don't go to work with a wet head, or I can run at lunch without worrying...or I don't have to clean hair out of the drain in the shower....then I'll appreciate it. It's just hair. It will grow and maybe I'll dye it pink.


Tippy can't stop touching it and telling me how much he loves it! Do you see where his hand is?


PS. Photo by GMan