It Doesn't Make You a Bad Mother....

However well intentioned those words are....no matter how strong we are as women or as confident we may be in our ability to parent....it strikes a chord. At least for me it does.

Last night was our first kickball game of the season. If any of you EVER have the chance to take part in this, don't miss it. Really. Most adult leagues are too serious. You cannot be serious about kicking an 8.5 inch rubber ball. You get to run around a bit, do the whole sporty high- fiving, getting the blood pumping. And if you're really lucky the game is followed by drinks.

But I digress...

I could not get a babysitter for the boys, and they really wanted to come. Taco Bell (dinner of champions) in hand, we brought balls and games and lots of stuff to keep them occupied. There was, however, a playground just on the other side of some trees.

A member of my church was walking her dog, and I asked her about the safety of the playground, the tone of the general area, and if she thought they'd be ok playing there. She re-assured me that they'd be just fine, I should let them play. She even offered to hang around a bit with her dog and keep an eye on them.

The boys wear bright orange coats, trimmed in blue, and are quite loud. So I knew pretty much where they were and could see them when they came out from under the play equipment.

Another mother arrived later, and I asked if she'd seen them on the playground.

To which she immediately questioned my decision and marched herself up the hill and brought them back from the playground. I'm not even going to replay what she said.

I applaud her protective nature. I see the same thing in other friends who gasp at the freedom I allow my children. My decision to be a little more relaxed is a conscious one and I have my own reasons for it. But I was pissed. I'd done all that I thought was right and I was comfortable. Tippy is so attached to me that he comes to hug me every five minutes any way.

As she walked over there, I secretly hoped that they wouldn't remember her and start screaming 'you're not my mommy' from the Safe Side video....that would have been precious. Although, they did remember her as my friend, and she was walking them right to me.

After the game we were discussing it, and someone kindly offered that comfort, 'It doesn't make you a bad mother...' . And it stung. It stings when you quesiton yourself. 'Cause what if something DID happen?

It made me think a little bit.

I'm not a bad mother for making a decision that I'm comfortable with. It isn't like I'm letting them play with just a little fire. Parents do their thing with whatever makes them comfortable. I'm much more relaxed than most. My kids tend to get into trouble more than most. I'm fully aware, thankyouvermuch.

I feel like they're getting cheated out of the beautiful innocence we had as children....to run and play at 7 years old and know to be home when the street lights come on.

Don't get me wrong, I'm protective. When I lived in a town house by a busy suburban DC highway, I was vigilant. I'd herd all three kids in the house if I had to pee. I arranged with neighbors so we could take turns cooking dinner while the kids played out front.

Lest we not forget the DC Sniper. Three months of pure terror where I had two disabled kids that HAD TO RUN just about every day or they'd lose their minds, in addition to Karateboy who was maybe 3 at the time. Remember, he was killing people close to highways, and I lived close to a highway. I was in the garage trying to figure out how I could build a shield for them as they walked from the house to the car. I'm not kidding.

So I'm vigilant when I think I need to be, and relaxed when I think I need to be. I'm not pissed at her any more, but I really didn't have are response. It seemed like everything I wanted to say would look defensive and petty. I was willing to take the calculated risk. Besides, any kidnapper would return them quickly.

It's not like I was passing them a joint or something.