The Reality of Crushes

So someone (and forgive me for not remembering which member of my blog family it was) posted about blog crushes. I have had fleeting blog crushes. Gentlemen whose writing I admire, whose jokes I find are funny, and I blush a little when they notice me on my blog. But in person crushes where you see the person and they see you....a whole new level of crushiness. The information isn't controlled by what you consciously choose to write or put out there.

I've been thinking about that a lot and how it relates to other crushes. Crushes especially on those in situations that you know will never go anywhere...it is the crush for the pleasure of the crush alone. 'Cause you can fill in the rest with your imagination, and you never have to worry that it will be shattered and you never really risk a part of yourself.

Like the at work crush. You know, that other person who is so amazing at what they do and how they treat other people you just want to bathe in the glow of your fabulousness. I mean, what is sexier than watching someone adeptly diffuse a tense situation in a drab meeting room withe finesse and style and brains? How about when they show their more driven side and over achieve just a little bit (or a lot)? Respect is an important part of these crushes. I have often wondered where I would meet someone just like the guys I work with...'cause dating at work is out of the question given the nature of my job. They dress well, are smart and funny and respectful. Just darn easy to be around. And OH, they get to see you at your best most of the time, too. You just can't get that kind of information about how someone deals with conflict or solves problems in a bar or on a date. It makes work life a little more livable.

Then there is the gym crush. You know, they guy who seems to ALWAYS be next to you. He smiles and you smile and you wonder if it is just a coincidence or if there is something there. You genuinely haul your ass out of bed some mornings because he'll notice your gone and ask you about it. You complain about the toughness of the workout and compare who sweats more. Crack sarcastic jokes as you groan through the class. It makes gym life just a little more livable.

There was the online/phone crush. The friend I met online and talked to for months before we actually met. We eventually did meet and it was fantastic, but transitioning the phone crush to real life was hard. Being with him was great, but what I knew about him that you'd learn any other way was sketchy. We mostly talked about me. Which was fine when we talked late at night a couple of times a week. However, when you're in contact 10 times a day, and seeing each other in person, I became a pretty boring topic. It made not having an in person partner easier.

Then the neighborhood crush....the guy who is the super dad and excellent husband that you just wonder some times...and you flatter each other and do one another favors, always including the wife. But the fantasy is always sooo much better than any reality.

When the man is also single (from what I can tell), I never want to take it outside of it's little orb of perfection. By thrusting it out of mine (and maybe our) imagination, and holding it up to the sunlight, it couldn't be nearly as bright and perfect and shiny. Flirting with reckless abandon when there is nothing to lose is fun and easy. By forcing it to something else changes the dynamic just enough that it might break. So I really don't want to do that.

I like the boundaries I have right at this minute...so I can still feel fantastic and like a girl and not take risks and get hurt or inadvertently hurt someone else.