The Return of the SUN!

Yes, not only was it 73 degrees here today in Columbia, Maryland...it was SUNNY!!!

Oh, and I'm feeling sunny, too. I even wore a yellow shirt today to help boost my mood.

I thought of a fun conversation I'd like to have with ya'll. Sort of like the comedian that says, 'You know your a redneck if....', my version is:

You Know he's an Internet Scumbag if (in no particular order):

1. he e-mails you a picture of his penis-- oh, if I had a fiver for every dick I've had the pleasure of seeing in my in box. I deleted them before i thought it would be fun to make a fanciful and artsy collage of them
2. he only e-mails/messages you between 9 and 5 - That means one of two things, either he's too cheap and stupid to have access at home or there is someone else at home
3. he wants to talk dirty to you during the day from a work e-mail- dumbass will soon be unemployed as well..forward his messages to the company president. C'mon you can find their name on their web site and if there is no 'contact us' link, you can figure out the e-mail convention. Just do it.
4. you never really get a picture of his face-- dude's got problems, not that he looks bad necessarily, but he's hiding something.
5. when he says, "people tell me I'm good looking"- good looking people know it. Trust me.
6. they get pissy if you don't reply fast enough- denotes the severe lack of a life. at work or at home, you get interrupted. you don't always have time to 'brb'. Get over it.
7. you have more questions than answers-- parts of the story don't add up, you must subtract
8. he butters you up like a hot biscuit at a Southern Baptist Fried Chicken Dinner- see, if he's kissing you're ass, you trust him faster and forget, in your haze of emptiheadedness to ask him questions.
9. if he uses annoying shortcuts and slang- 'prolly' and 'u' ...I have a whole pile of them in my deleted items. You want to talk to someone who can carry on a conversation like YOU'D carry on a conversation. Maybe not all spell checked and in complete sentences, but complete thoughts are nice. Spelling 'probably' and 'prolly' -- only a two key stroke difference you lazy ass.
10. if he asks what you like and 'cheesecake' isn't seemingly a good enough answer- yes, Buck Nekkid may have finally drilled into my thick head that most single guys just want sex, but some of them really want a conversation first and if you're lucky after. When Mr. Internet goes straight to sex. That's really all he wants. Cool if that's what you want to. But ask him for his latest STD test results, and for the LOVE OF GOD, make him wrap that thing.
11. I'm in a committed relationship- if he drops that bomb at your first meeting, he's asking, 'Can we still fuck? 'cause I'm OK with it if you are' - again, nothing skeeves me out more than someone who lies and cheats, no matter how not they are or how sure I am they'll rock my world.

Feel free to add your own concessions here. I bet you all have far, far more. If you have more than one or two, consider this a challenge for a response list of your own. I'll link to you here if you let me know!