It would have to be someone who is supportive and wouldn't even by accident make a comment that will deflate my somewhat tentative confidence. They need to think quickly and see what I need before I need it, and yet not afraid to 'manage me' when I get defensive, indignant and otherwise bitchy. It absolutely has to be someone who isn't going to hate me later. Someone whose mere presence would motivate me, and always have the right thing to do or say.
As I was swimming along...I was thinking those requirements fit the person I needed by my side when I was going to have my first baby. While I loved STBX, motivation isn't his strength, and let's face it, if I growled, I wasn't sure how he'd react. (in the end he was my absolute savior with breastfeeding so he gets points)
Of course, I chose Maven. She's one of those kinds of friends. Actually a one of a kind friend. Never over does it so much that you feel indebted to her, let's you do just enough that you feel like it's all even. She has saved my ass over the years in soooo many ways.
And I have failed miserably as a friend.
Her birthday was last week. Our schedules kept us apart, and I couldn't seem to find the most truly special thing I could to let her know how important she is to me (oh my God I'm misting). So I sent her a list of options. SHOULDN'T I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTS? WHAT KIND OF CRAPPY FRIEND AM I GIVING HER WORK LIKE THAT!! Then, I had house guests and a crammed schedule. And isn't it just like me not to check in on my favorite family? I found out Monday that she had been sick. I should have taken the time to bring chicken soup, but instead I played mini-golf.
So anyway, this is the blog post I SHOULD have written in honor of her birthday.
Maven is the friend who:
- makes you dessert when you feel like your world will never be the same
- stands back and lets you make a teeny fool of yourself because she knows that's the only way your gonna learn--- and gently makes sure you don't go overboard
- shares a ton of secrets and jokes
- saves my ass at work regularly by keeping me in the loop on stuff I don't get to see from the ivory tower
- is my children's 'Safe Side Adult' and I absolutely trust her implicitly with their care and welfare
- amazingly loves me no matter what I do or say
- wanted to be my friend at a time when not many people wanted to hang with STBX and I
- introduced me to a whole community of people that love me for me
- shows me by example how to balance being a woman and a professional and a mother
- shares her home, her food, her children, and yes, her husband-- willingly and with an open heart
- thinks about how fantastic your sassy new hair cut is while she can't seem to sleep at night
- brings you a dress she loves from her own closet because she thinks it will fit you perfectly
- is always adapting and changing and growing in the most amazing ways
- even though we don't agree on everything provides an easy sort of friendship-- without the drama
- brings the bourbon slushies to every event
- I could keep going for hours
So, happy belated birthday Maven. Thanks for everything.
(if you must comment, please comment on her blog-- send her the love!!)