Fat Girl Costumes and Eyore

In my attempts to try not to think about how my spouse totally fucked up my life plans, I decided to give up trying to find a sexy Halloween costume that would be age-appropriate and cover my thighs. I Googled "Fat Girl Costumes". As God often does, He gave me a huge laugh.
So what if it was from last year-- it was exactly what I needed. I'm partial to the Sylvia Plath costume, but only 'cause it is hitting close to home.

See, today was the last of the pre-planned family outings. The last of the outings where, say, I bought the fuckin' tickets before Spermdonor finally proved his worth to me. (Grant it, he's been very sweet when we're alone since the magical day I realized I never wanted him to touch me again. However, he's been an ass in public (quite a switch).)

While riding Thomas the Tank Engine's 9th car today, I realized something. He shall be referred to as Eyore rather than Spermdonor. Eyore, that lovable donkey from Winnie-the-Pooh-- anyone who knows me how ironic it is that I choose this name on SOOO MANY LEVELS. Eyore, says, "I lost my tail again."-- Our Eyore says, "I lost my family again." Dumbass.

I intentionally dropped one of the e's. He doesn't even deserve the second one, and why confuse a sweet children's book character totally with him. So he's Eeyore with only one 'e'.

So, anyway, I was trying not to take 'family' pictures, but lots of Eyore and the boys. I doubt he'll have the balls to take the kids anywhere by himself. They'll outsmart him and make off with the car.

The funniest part was Tippytornado who SLEPT with his Thomas T Shirt last night and practically ran to Strasburg, PA from Columbia, MD. Once he saw Thomas, Sir Topham Hat, and rode Thomas, he said, "I go home now".

No stupid tents or silly marketing ploys for my wanna-be preschooler. Nope. He came, he saw, he conquered and within about an hour of arrival, he was done. Which is exactly how I approach these kinds of things. I tried to make light of it, and since that is the OPPOSITE of Eyore's approach (look at every nook and cranny no matter how long it takes, and buy everything you see) he didn't find it at all funny. Thank you Tippytornado for being my son and making some of my worst behaviors kind of cute.

I sadly watched the other families fight and smile and interact. Eyore and I were almost as polite as strangers. He did everything I asked him to do, without compliant. He just moped. And texted my cell phone with apologies.

I get the Sylvia Plath costume because I'm just a few steps away from a bathrobe, or a straight jacket. Plus, I've already got all the supplies---and I can be naked underneath--gross for those who know, but secret smile just for me! :-)

I will lull myself to sleep with images of Rob Thomas (with hair) who bears no resemblance to a certain dude from college with whom the timing was never quite right.