OK, so I think I'm going to start a list.

If someone is ever going to replace the sperm donor, I think he'll need to be older than me. And a wee bit more successful, but not so much so that he feels the need to mentor me, but so maybe I can learn a few tricks and he can stand on his own. And I on my own. Yep. Older. I'm not training another one.

But he must be devastatingly handsome.

But how would a devastatingly handsome successful older man feel about

• my committment to motherhood?
• my flabby baby belly?
• the fact that I've never had an adult relationship
• my need to control and be a bitch

Yep. He doesn't exist. Certainly not in this zip code.