I just cannot seem to get a break. A seemingly innocuous e-mail reminding him and my mother of the weeks' activities turns into the climax of a depressing movie right before the antagonist goes on a wild rampage with a kitchen knife.

9/19/06
From: Me
To: Mom; Spermdonor
Tonight: Acupuncture > Tomorrow: Logos meeting > Wednesday: Kickball > Thursday: Let's Eat Dinner (just like lets dish! @ 7:30 > Friday: BLESSEDLY NOTHING! > Saturday: O's Game > Sunday: Up early to go see Thomas the tank engine in Strasburg. >
Totally normal, right? He responds:
I don't know if I'm going to go. > > Saturday: O's Game > Sunday: Up early to go see Thomas the tank engine in Strasburg
OK, maybe I start the barbs here. This is a little edgy. I respond:
I bought your tickets and it is something for the boys, so how far up your ass is your head?
Yes, I hear you shaking your head. It was rude, but OH MY GOD. Is he going to crawl into the family room couch and never come out? OH, update. Before he got my e-mail, he called me on the cell to tell me that 'Our Song' was playing. Unchained Melody like at our wedding? No, 'She Hates Me' by Nirvana. So I merely clarified by singing "Since you've been gone, I can breathe for the first time! I'm so movin' on, yeah yeah!...you had your chance and you blew it..again and again and again!" the Kelly Clarkson one....
my head isn't up my ass. with how much you don't want to be or want me around. i wouldn't want to make you do something to make you more disguised then you are already having to do. also if i wasn't living here you wouldn't have called to see if i wanted to go, especially with your friends who are afraid to have me around because you told them i was in to little girls. why would i want to go where i'm not really wanted, and ruin everybodies day at that game. you felt years ago you needed to separate yourself from me. so this would just be one of those things, just like this past weekend. i'm not taking it or this out on the boys. i know i'm not wanted there and i do feel comfortable going. the things you said last night hurt so bad, if i could have left days go or today i be gone. it hurt so bad it feels like somebody ripped my heart out, and now there's just a big hole.

you got me so bad, the all day i keep think i should quit and stop fighting to save this marriage.
My response.
Why would you call me about a song on the radio about hate if you didn't want to hear it back?

Why is it OK for you to be grumpy and mopey and make the kids sad (and mad at you for making you that way) and I'm not allowed that luxury-- because one of us has to be sane and re-assuring?

Why, if you wanted to talk to me, would you call and leave a voice mail at work at 11:30 at night-- and follow up with an e-mail at work? Because you wanted to ruin my day?

So, your plan is to waste the $30+ I spent on tickets, skip out on something important that we planned FOR THE BOYS, and spend the weekend moping around the house? Sounds healthy to me! Sounds like they're really going to feel this isn't their fault and they've still got their dad.

Stop trying to save this marriage and save yourself. You blew it. It's over. I can name 15 milestone dates where I made it crystal clear to you that this was not working for me (and just about every day in between). I've suffered no-so-quietly and miserably while you apparently enjoyed life. You even told me at various points how happy you were.

So don't tell me about having your heart ripped out. It happened every time you rejected me, talked down to me, and ignored me. It happened every time I heard you saying things to other people that I needed you to say to me.

Don't come to me with your drama. Suck it up and be a man. Karateboy is 6 and Tippytornado is 3. If you don't make an effort to be a part of their lives now, they'll forget we ever even tried to be a family.

You are such a selfish ass. If you weren't doing anything wrong or to be embarrassed about, walk around with your head held high...I'm the lunatic, right?