So the trip was a bit surreal. Everyone had little babies that were crying with the grandparents like accessories rushing about to quiet the child WHILE THE PARENTS STOOD BY CHATTING WITH BEERS IN THEIR HANDS!

I totally f'ed up in that department. Why didn't I marry into a family where the grandparents wanted to suck it up and do all the work? Well, I guess my mother in law tried, but she's got as much tact as Anna Nicole Smith has style and grace.

Ah, you Jersey folk have it made. Enjoy.

Sorry about the odd answers regarding the sperm donor. I really wanted to jump up and down and sing a song of joy...but I just stammered...

Three hours up and three hours back really gives a girl time to think.

This is the right thing. If I go back to him, I'm just re-making the same mistakes again and again. I'm an idiot if I trust him again. My children need to know that behavior isn't normal and that I think more of myself than to stand for it. They need to see either an example of a relatively healthy adult relationship, or at least a sane mother.

So sad, that girl who wrote the letter in 1992 who blamed the future sperm donor's addiction to phone sex lines on herself. Because she obviously wasn't good enough in bed. Not kinky enough for her mostly unemployed love.

Sad girl who willingly compromised her values and then was sadder when all the love ended because she became a mother. She decided that she wanted a relationship with just one man to be a good example for her baby. Sex with other women just wasn't the life she wanted, even if it made her husband happy.

I don't want to be her--and I haven't been her for 8 years. But the other direction is scary.

Sperm donor was on the phone with Karateboy and told him he was sad. He said something else about it being all his fault and Karateboy screamed at ME that it is all my fault.

Good move, ass. I could be less selfish and stay married to you. But then I'd have to tie you to the bed and light your pubic hair on fire just to listen to you scream in pain.

Kinda like the pain I felt when I opened that stupid laptop at had all of my worst fears confirmed. I married a pervert....worse, I married my father.

Oddly, today is Daddy's birthday. I wonder if he's still alive?